I got the opportunity to interview Donal Moloney a few weeks ago, before he presents his take on the theme of Death for CreativeMornings/Dublin. I didn’t notice the time, and suddenly, two hours had passed. We talked all things photography, abandoned buildings and creativity in general.
I hate public speaking.
I hate standing in front of people and telling a story. It’s funny that I hate doing that, but I spend my time reading stories, writing stories, telling stories. I’m a writer, so no matter what, I’m telling stories through my work.
This blog is delayed because I was reveling in my life this week, and last week. I hadn’t gotten home before 10pm any night because I was off about town. So, now I’m sitting here wrapped in a blanket on a Saturday morning.
My peers are marching for abortion legalisation in Ireland. I can’t face the crowds.
My whole life, I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and self-worth. I always felt kind of apart from my peers, like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t want to do all the things they did. I had no interest in pink things or in boys, and I didn’t really like the music they liked.
In my last post I mentioned going to a city I love and let me just say: I love it even more. Despite its hills and wind and grey skies.
Last week I wrote about how excited I was for August 2017. It’s so far lived up to my expectations.
Last weekend, I went to my first ever music festival. I’ve always wanted to go to one, dress in all my conflicting patterns – well, more than usual – and bop to bands in the outdoors. I mean, I went to Forbidden Fruit in Dublin, but this was a festival in the countryside. I even slept in a tent.Read More »
In August, I decided to finally bite the bullet and submit something for publication. This time, it was a poem about the vacant buildings in Dublin for an exhibition in one of those empty spaces. I had never before published a poem, and had never even attempted to. Much to my amazement, it was accepted, and it was placed immediately after the curator’s introduction to the exhibition.
This was a turning point: I started to think that maybe, just maybe, I was good at words. I’ll let you be the judge of this though.
Social media is a powerful tool, and there are very few people who don’t engage in it. It has, in certain ways, become the new Big Brother. Facebook owns WhatsApp, Instagram and tracks what you Google to show you relevant ads. Snapchat is worth billions of dollars and Twitter is worth similar. News breaks faster on social media than on national radio or television. We hear about world events, local events and potentially life changing events through it. But it’s not all dog videos and memes: it has the ability to change how we view ourselves.
Lately, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s because the days have been grey, it gets dark very early, and I’ve been low. When I feel low, I struggle to do things I normally enjoy. I think that’s why I haven’t really been blogging, or feeling like I have anything to write about.
Ironically, because I strive to talk about mental health on a day to day basis, and I’ve been trying to share with people when I’ve been feeling low. I guess part of why I haven’t written about it is because I have been trying to ignore these feelings.
This is counterproductive because it means that I won’t improve. I cannot work towards coping with my mental health difficulties if I do not face them. It’s also not something that I can do alone.
I’ve booked myself in with a counsellor. I need a little bit of extra help and support. My friends are great, and the people whom I share my co-working space with are also great. However, it’s not enough. I must get a bit of external advice and support from a professional. Someone who is equipped to deal with the problems I face. Someone objective.
I’m terrified to face a few of the issues I’ve been having. Given the media coverage about sexual assaults, harassment and trauma, facing my PTSD and my past abuse is something I know is important to deal with again, but it’s something I’ve been putting off for long enough.
I’m determined to improve my mental health, and it’s something only I can take control of. I will probably spend my life living with these things, because there is no one simple cure. I will spend my life combatting my negative thoughts, but it’s reached a point now that I need to work with someone else to get me to a place where I can be strong enough to combat the thoughts.
This past weekend I spent reading, and it’s something that definitely helps with my mental health, but it only works if I am able to concentrate long enough.
I’m determined to start 2018 with a more positive outlook. I think I can do this.